but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
