do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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