Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
