We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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