I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
