the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
