How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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