you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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