i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize