i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
