About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
