that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize