oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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