I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize