How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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