My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize