i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
