The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
