Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
