Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
