Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
