the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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