im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
