he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you inspire me to be a worse person
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
