I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can I color on your dick again?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
