All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
