Please, let me fuck your mom
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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