I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
