I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
