I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
