after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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