She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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