To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
