I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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