This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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