I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
