i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I want to be your penis for a week.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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