I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
