i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
