# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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