Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
