Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
