I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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