Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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