just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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