I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His hands were made for my vagina.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
