Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
