Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
