remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
They took my balls.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
