y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
