Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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