some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
