She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
