Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize