Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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