I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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