She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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