my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
