yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize