Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
