We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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