guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
