I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
