You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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