After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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