Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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