Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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