We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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