Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
