Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize