I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
