True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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