dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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