I can text with my tongue
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize