just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
