Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
