We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
