I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
