So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
