my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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