Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
operation have a gay friend backfired
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
