i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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