So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
