we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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