This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
