What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
