do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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