weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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