After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
