my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I need a burrito and a hug.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize