is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
