Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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