WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
