saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
